The Love of Music

The music I listen to now will probably be the music I listen to the rest of my life, or so says the Journal of Consumer Research. The article entitled, "Some Exploratory Findings on the Development of Musical Tastes" states that my current musical tastes are now pretty much set in stone. It's an interesting notion for three reasons. First, considering how much music has and will change in the coming years, I can't imagine being set in my musical ways. And I don't consider myself a generational elitist. I've never been one to say, "Back in my day they made real music. None of this booty shaking sex boogie drop it drop it party music."

It's also interesting because I see myself growing and maturing. During this refining process I've noticed my musical tastes changing, as well. As I continue this journey, I'd assume my musical tastes will continue to change and mature.

Lastly, I've always been a self proclaimed hip-hop head. I identify with hip-hop culture, at least with the aspects of social consciousness. I always tried to be up on all the latest underground, regional and pop-hop releases. Even if I didn't like it, I'd still be familiar with it and its social context. My musical preferences leaned towards lyrically conscience rap with beats that demonstrated a bit of musicality. I love music. I love beats, I won't lie. I don't however like beats enough to justify listening to crap.

There's just something about a rhythm that resonates within my soul that makes me want to dance, skip and nod my head. It's a feeling of euphoria; it's a feeling that makes me want to let my hair down and swing it all over the place. Being able to stop listening to lots of my favorite rap songs came much easier than expected. I just really no longer had the desire to listen to them.

So I doubt that I fit into the Journal of Consumer Research's little music box. I love music. Good music is wonderful, and I hope to appreciate it at every age.

Here are a few things I'm listening to now...

A Purpose Driven Life

Recently I had a conversation with my former room mate from college/sister and I told her I was thinking about buying a book Pathway to Purpose for Women. She told me to be careful and make sure that it's not just a psychology book with scriptures laid on top. She went on to say that in her opinion trying to define one's purpose is very much about self because it's wanting the knowledge of what's to come.

I believe she was right. Discovering/Defining my purpose is something "I" want. I want to know my purpose, just like Adam and Eve wanted the knowledge of life. And that is a very selfish thing. God never said he would reveal the path to us or give us knowledge of whats to come; it's called faith. The truth is, I already know my purpose. My purpose is to please God. My purpose is to glorify God and spread the Good News of Jesus. If I am doing that, then why do I need to know what's to come, my career path or how God will use me? Everyday I must continually try to please God. Everyday I must continually pray that He will order my steps, and that I will be obedient to His will. Doing this will help ensure that He knows how grateful I am for His gift, Jesus, because it is not our purpose that pleases God, but it is the surrendering that must take place in order to fulfill that purpose that pleases Him.

Crap. I'm emotional. I'm like...a girl. Of course, I'm a girl. I love being a girl, but I've always prided myself on being a "cool" girl. Cool like, I like sports, big televisions, gadgets, surround sound and tools. ARHHHH. ARHHHHH. ARHHHHHHHH (The Tim the Tool Man Taylor Man Call). Don't get me wrong, while I love all these things, I love being girly too. I like dressing up looking cute, decorating, oh and going to the salon to get pedicures every one and a half weeks. True all these things are very stereotypical gender assignments, but bear with me.

Not only am I supposed to be the "cool" girl, I'm supposed to be a physicist. I'm supposed to be logical, but I'm not. It's all very counter intuitive. Physics is the most fundamental science: a subject that so beautifully displays the power of logic and order that no one can convince me that there was not a divine creation. Despite these things, I find logic alluding me, and I'm left with only emotions and feelings. How does that make me feel? Does that feel right? That hurt my feelings. On the other hand, logic would use Socratic syllogisms. What is the major premise? What is the minor premise? And finally what can you conclude from these? But do I use this method? No.

So if that's not bad enough, I've become a crier. ARGH!!!!!! But it does seem like I've been more teary eyed than usual. It has been a rough semester, but do I have to be a crier? And it's weird because most of my crying hasn't been like boo hoo woe is me. It's just emotions. So much has taken place in a such a short period of time, but everything has worked out. I'm more than grateful that every situation has turned out all right and I have been shown favor in a number of situations. God has really shown himself to me this semester. But man it has been a lot of stuff, and I cry. Sometimes out of joy and sometimes in prayer. Sometimes just because.

Then there are the other times when I get too into myself and I cry too (the boo hoo woe is me crying). Men often complain that women are too emotional. I can see it now, at least in myself. There is some truth in every stereotype. I present now, a hypothetical situation I've created to explore my point.

Me: (sobbing) It's so difficult.
Man: Well, why don't you try this?
Me: (sobbing) Sniff. Sniff. I can't do that.
Man: But it's not that hard. You did y, x, z yesterday.
Me: Didn't you listen to anything I have to say? Ugghhh...sniffle sniffle.

That's tough. What is a man to do, or in some cases what are friends or parents to do? I feel for my parentals. There's no winning. There is really not much one can do to console a person in this state. As I read over this, it seems utterly ridiculous. I've really got to get it together because there is absolutely no cause behave in such a manner. I'm embarrassed. But when I focus on my abilities, it becomes overwhelming and I can quickly fall into self pitying mood. Which sucks because self pity is unfortunately woefully unproductive and a complete waste of time.

So sometimes I cry just to cry and sometimes I cry out of self pity. I'm working on the pity issue. I continue to pray that I will not fall into these self induced funks. God is showing me that I don't need to worry and in fact His burden is truly light. I'm manning up. I'm taking on each day as the sun rises, and I'm grateful that through every tear God is there.

Reflections of an Almost 25 Year Old

Random things I've been thinking about as my birthday nears...

I didn't find myself in college; I just became comfortable being me.
I'm cool with the fact that I am a nerd. I like watching documentaries and obscure foreign films. I have a thing for HGTV and AT tickles my fancy. I often prefer sneakers and flats to high heels. But if the mood strikes me I will bust out my 4" inch heels. I'm silly, and if something is particularly funny it may send me to the floor. My knees just can't support me when I laugh. And lastly, I like to make up words. My contribution to 2009/2010 was "Omazing" created after Obama's inauguration.

Technology is kind of cool...sort of...sometimes. I love my click click and boop boop, but touch screen phones...I pass. I want my punch punch.
click·click /clīckˈclick/
Noun: The buttons located on a car's steering wheel, used to control the car's audio.
boop·boop /boopˈboop/
Noun: Keyless entry.
punch·punch /punchˈpunch/
Noun: A phone with buttons.

Growing Up a Daddy's Girl
I love my Daddy. I grew up thinking that my father was a former member of the Black Panther Party and a singer in the R&B group the High Tops. I wanted to be a musically inclined revolutionary just like him. To groom his future music-loving revolutionary, he would read to me stories from Langston Hughes' The Best of Simple and make sure I knew all the words to War's Get Down. I didn't realize until I was older that reading the works of Frantz Fanon, Marx and Malcolm X, wearing a fro, riding a motorcycle and politicking didn't necessarily make you an official member of the Black Panther Party, nor did living in Grand Rapids and singing along to Motown hits make you a member of the fictional group the High Tops. It didn't matter that these things weren't "necessarily" true because in my eyes he is still the coolest, smartest, baddest mofo low down around town. Yes, I'm a daddy's girl.

BLACK RAGE!!!
Every now and then a little BLACK RAGE!!! is necessary. BLACK RAGE!!! is a revolutionary movement that consists of brothers and sisters across the globe banding together and causing civil unrest with their random acts of BLACK RAGE!!! Kicking over shovels, safety cones and chairs are all acceptable acts of BLACK RAGE!!! The revolution will not be tweeted!!!


On Contradictions
I'm glad I'm growing up, but the responsibility that comes with it can be a headache. Sometimes I wish I was young again (tag, kickball and playgrounds), but there was also timeout and nap time. I wish I had nap time now...sigh. I love to write, but I love physics. Maybe my brain is double sided. I like having a car, but I don't like driving. I love acquiring vast amounts of knowledge, but then again ignorance is bliss.

Marimekko Fabric

Madison Wisconsin Collection

I fell in love with the display fabric at Crate and Barrel. It was beautiful. It was stunning.

I am becoming a firm believer in only surrounding myself with things I absolutely adore, and I would like my new digs to reflect this design mantra. I adore the fabric and the vibrant hues are absolutely me.

I immediately asked the sales associate the origins of the fabric and whether I could purchase it. I was informed that the fabric was by Marimekko, a Finnish design company and that the particular print I was interested in was not sold in Crate and Barrel stores. I was given the number for the Marimekko store in NYC and the website. I've called the store and requested that let me know when the fabric becomes available. I would love to use this fabric to create a large canvas centerpiece for my living room. It fits in perfectly with my design scheme "Fun, Funky, Functional with a hint of Scandinavian Modern"

Here are some other Marimekko's fabrics:

Sirkku 101 Blue

Melooni Collection

Siirtolapuutarha (Sold at Ikea)

On Being a Professor

This is what you normally think of when you think of a physics professor...


Not this..

(Not me...just a cool frohawk)

If you know me then perhaps you know that physics and I have a very interesting relationship. It’s a relationship that’s more hate than love at times and a relationship that has shown me the limit of my own efforts and revealed the magnitude of God’s faithfulness. I love physics, but I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my physics degree. While I know without a doubt this is what I’m supposed to do, God has yet to reveal to me what lies ahead at the end of my yellow brick road.

I entered the applied physics program with every intention to finish quickly, get out and make money. I mean, what’s the point of doing all this if you can’t make money, right? I didn’t want to be a professor, too much work and not enough money. As a grad student, you see a lot (tenure track professors sleeping on couches in their offices and pushing their grad students beyond human limits). Nope, that wasn’t for me. I told myself I’d make money, then I’d come back to the academy, then I’d become a champion for other underrepresented physicists.

However, now I just don’t think it will work out that way. You see, God tends to speak to me in subtle hints. First, my college room mate of four years, who is now a grad student in higher education, asked me the rhetorical question, “Don’t you know what an impact you’d make as a young, fly sister doing physics in the academy?” Then at an event I attended, the keynote speaker said, “ Being yourself is a great testimony.” And she showed a picture of an amazingly beautiful doctor rocking a fro and ethnic gold jewelry. But the COOLEST thing for me was seeing a young assistant professor give a physics seminar in chucks and a cardigan. That was like the coolest thing EVER in life (added significance). At that moment I could see myself as a professor. I could imagine myself in my chucks teaching physics and working in the lab. (It's a dream of mine to become a rock star physicist...putting the cool back in physics one equation at a time.)

And now, I find myself at this conference the 17th Annual Institute on Teaching and Mentoring. Truth be told, I signed up because I was encouraged to attend, and I wanted to take advantage of a free trip to Tampa in October to escape the Michigan cold and to enjoy the Tampa warmth. And come to find out, the goal of the conference is to prepare underrepresented scholars for life in the academy. During this conference I’ve seen several women who’ve managed to balance excellence in research while maintaining a fulfilling lives outside the lab. It’s kind of cool hearing a female professor testifying to 33 years of marriage, being the director of an advancement program and being a great researcher. So perhaps it is possible. Perhaps I can avoid stuffing an Ikea couch in my office. And maybe...just maybe I can become a rock star physicist while maintaining a very down to earth and content life and manage to get a little bit of money too. (Gotta be able to afford box seats one day.)

Random Throwbacks

I found this snippet of a story I began writing but never finished.

"She kept the merciless demons of her past at bay with spirits from the package store. Without them life was too hard to face for the shy and insecure girl. Each bottle helped her to feign emotions she could not willingly express. Wine made her bubbly. Vodka made her boisterous. Whiskey tended to mellow her out, while rum made her fiery. For her, it was much easier to deal with the conjured spirits in the bottle, than conquer the demons that awaited her once the spirit’s possession wore off. She was seldom sober. It was too painful."

This was from an opinion's piece I wrote for the Valentine's Day issue of the Script in 2007.

"If men are dogs, women are dog trainers.

True, there are some guys you could describe as doggish. Yet, as a woman I feel we are too quick to label men dogs and too one-sided in our judgments of men. We call men dogs, curse them out and declare that there are no good men left, but are they really the only ones to blame?"

I think the "If men are dogs, women are dog trainers" piece is still relevant, especially with the recent bombardment of these text-to-movie youtube videos. One of the first being Black Marriage Negotiations (Woman's Perspective)


More on this topic later...plus I want to talk about submission. One of the funniest parts to me was when he brought up submission she said, "I believe everything in the Bible except that part."